Sunday, February 21, 2010

Would you give a crackhead crack?

So...Valentine's Day or as I refer to it Single's Awareness Day graced us with its presence last Sunday. Whoop-dee-doo! Do you want to know what yours truly received? Sure you do. I got this, chocolate and sugar covered pecans handed to me in a brown paper bag...YES. A BROWN PAPER BAG!

 
But, do you wanna know the sad part (besides me almost eating the entire tin)? Sure you do. Based on past experiences, I expected a mediocre Valentine's Day with a mediocre gift...please no sermons or lectures about gratefulness. Men never change. My mom says:
"The only time you can change a man is when he's old and you're changing his diaper." 
Last year I experienced a mediocre Valentine's day accompanied by a mediocre gift. I received this...a plant, which later died (like this relationship is about to do...lol).
In addition to raising two children, he expected me to be responsible enough to take care of a plant.  I can barely take care of me and my boys. Sorry plant, it was either you or us. 

And yes, I expressed my discontent with his gift giving last year and THIS year. So yesterday he called me and the following conversation ensued:

My phone rings *The creepy ring from the movie One Missed Call plays*.
Me: Hello. *crunch. crunch. crunch*

Him: What are doing?

Me: Nothing *silence followed by crunching*

Him: What's wrong? You're quiet.

Me: That's cause I'm eating these DAMN pecans YOU gave me for Valentine's Day.

Him: Well stop eating them.

Me: WOULD YOU TELL A CRACKHEAD TO STOP SMOKING CRACK? G'HEAD! TELL A CRACK HEAD TO PUT HIS PIPE DOWN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS?

Him: LOL. 

Me: Why would you buy me food? Why would you give me food for Valentine's Day? Are you trying to sabotage me? Do you want to see me fail?

Him: No...They're sugar free. *At this point I'm thinking...you jackass.*
Him: I told you, just eat a few and then put the rest up for later?

Me: THAT'S LIKE TELLING A CRACK HEAD  TO SMOKE A LITTLE CRACK NOW AND SMOKE THE REST LATER!

Him: LOL

Me: I'm serious. You just don't get it.

Him: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...

Seriously for some people food serves as a drug, and for whatever reason my brain shuts down when yummy food enters my line of sight. Once I start eating, my brain disengages and the drug food takes over and transports me to my happy place.

Well long story short, he apologized for being a jackass buying the pecans. We agreed upon CASH as the most appropriate gift for me, and I explained to him I will not accept the following:
  • Anything purchased on side of the road out of a trunk, tent, or back of a truck.
  • A stuffed animal encompassed in a balloon or sitting in a basket. Do I look 10 years old? And then what do I do with the stuffed animal after Valentine's Day, put it on my bed?
  • NO FOOD! If plan to blow my points on food or candy, it better be some out-of-this-world food or candy imported from the most exotic candy manufacturer in world, no the galaxy. 
Despite the Pecan Debacle, I did enjoy my Valentine's Day festivities with my favorite Valentines...my boys. We went to Mimi's and as usual the Duke boys (that's what my Mom calls them) provided nonstop entertainment. Until Mimi's new furniture arrives, the boys use the living room as a dance studio.
After the show, we indulged in yummy treats made by Mimi of course (they refer to my Mom as Mimi instead of  grandma):  

  
  
  
Apples and strawberries...nutritious and delicious...lol. 

  
Dinner: My mom cooked a rotisserie  chicken, waist friendly scalloped potatoes, and mustard greens.
 A little something something the boys gave Mimi.
    My Other V-Day Celebration
    We planned a sundae party for the students at school. I had NO intentions of passing up an ice cream sundae; so, I bought my own ice cream and made a somewhat WW friendly ice cream sundae.


     
    Well that concludes my Valentine's Events update. Stay tuned for a challenge update video and post! 
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    19 comments:

    1. You are hilarious! That caramel apple looks evil. I mean good.

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    2. Your boys have some serious moves! I could watch them for hours... the talent!

      Your mom is also quite talented in the food department... those strawberries and candy apples looked amazing.

      I have never seen WW icecream!

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    3. girl u had me cracking up about your BF's gifts...but i feel u so much on that! ur boys are quite the talented dancers!

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    4. Oh honey do I feel your pain....if something yummy is given to me there is a 110% chance I am gonna eat it.....

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    5. Great post! I feel you about the bad gifts. I have actually made my hubby a book filled with pictures of things that I might like- so many that if he got me anything out of the book it would be a surprise. He has yet to get me anything out of it. One day maybe.

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    6. Thank goodness my hubby doesn't buy me food. I am the same with food as you are.

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    7. Oh man! You are so right about food and the addiction to it. I have had a rough week and well...you know. Haha. Those treats look sinfully delish!

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    8. OMG! you are so funny! Good for you for telling the BF to NOT get you candy anymore! lol Cash works! lol

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    9. This is too hilarious! I kinda feel bad for ole' homie...He thought he was doing something buying you pecans...but atleast he knows to step it up!

      BTW...do you think he reads your blog??

      And you know I love those munchkins acting a fool!

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    10. LOVE this post!!! You write a very nice Vday post!! I love how you told your man about the crackhead! Men are dumb. :) And your boys!!! They are talented!!! ABDC!!!!! Keep it up!!

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    11. I hear you on the gifts. My boyfriend knew better than to get me chocolates so instead he got me a pair of gloves, yes I know, LOL!!! Anyway, your boys are excellent dancers. I love how you spend so much time with them and put them first in your life. You are a great mother!! ANd your mom can cook!! I need to come to her house for dinner, lol!!! Oh and I love your hair!It's always so full and bouncy! I'm trying to get mine in shape for the summer. Got it cut in January and now I'm trying to grow it back for the summer.

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    12. Oh, I JUST found your blog and I've read it now for the last 30 minutes...I'm a new fan and follower. Thank you for your words ... I identify with many of them. As for this post, I really get the whole "crack" idea relating to food. My mind does the same thing when something good is in front of me. I've JUST started my journey (for the 3rd time in my life) of losing 100 lbs. and this time I'm trying to do things differently...like you, trying to take matters into my own hands and changing my life for good. I will need to keep reading your blog for inspiration and support.

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    13. This is funny, but it's not. I know exactly how you feel - sometimes expressions of love harm us more than help us. I've gained 20 lbs since my fiance' and I got together. I used to joke that he was trying to fatten me up so no one else would want me, LOL. He knows that I like food and he thinks he's expressing his love when he brings my favorites over my house.

      I try to fight it, but I'm not always successful...

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    14. I had to come back and leave another comment- my brother called me and told me that he LOVED the video of your boys dancing! They were so good! I agree! :) Very talented!!! :)

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    15. I have told my husband a 100 times if it's in this house I am going to eat it!! Please don't buy it but he does anyway! He has more self control than I do. Your boys are funny and cute!!

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    16. I just came across your blog and I LOVE IT!!! I personally am a repeat dieting offender...WW, Zone, Grapefruit, Atkins...South Beach...Mediteranean...you name it I've tried it! LOVED your VDay post...I have a man like that...and girl - yep - so with ya on the crackhead thing! Chocolate pecans aren't my thing - but cheesecake...and flavor...yep...hands off if you don't want to get bit!

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    17. New to your post. Found you through "God's Favorite Shoes." I'm a new follower. Your boys are adorable and so talented! Lucky lady. You're posts are inspiring me to join your weight loss efforts--best wishes for success!

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    18. I am still catching up on your Blog but, I had to comment on this!!! Your boys are the best, I love the way they danced it out! You're a great Mom, you should be so proud!! I love the video!!! I'm off to reading more of your Blog!!!

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    19. FAH-REAKING hilarious!!!!!
      Holy crap!
      I try to explain that to my husband and he just doesn't get it.
      "James, my craving for (insert crappy bad food here) just over comes me. I feel like an addict needing to get my fix!
      Holy cow my sides hurt!

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    First off all, THANKS for stopping by and for those of you following...THANKS for following AND indulging my MADNESS. Please feel free to holla back or provide your 2¢. I WILL TRY to respond to ALL comments via email. AGAIN THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT!

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