So...Valentine's Day or as I refer to it Single's Awareness Day graced us with its presence last Sunday. Whoop-dee-doo! Do you want to know what yours truly received? Sure you do. I got this, chocolate and sugar covered pecans handed to me in a brown paper bag...YES. A BROWN PAPER BAG!
But, do you wanna know the sad part (besides me almost eating the entire tin)? Sure you do. Based on past experiences, I expected a mediocre Valentine's Day with a mediocre gift...please no sermons or lectures about gratefulness. Men never change. My mom says:
"The only time you can change a man is when he's old and you're changing his diaper."
Last year I experienced a mediocre Valentine's day accompanied by a mediocre gift. I received this...a plant, which later died (like this relationship is about to do...lol).
In addition to raising two children, he expected me to be responsible enough to take care of a plant. I can barely take care of me and my boys. Sorry plant, it was either you or us.
And yes, I expressed my discontent with his gift giving last year and THIS year. So yesterday he called me and the following conversation ensued:
My phone rings *The creepy ring from the movie One Missed Call plays*.
Me: Hello. *crunch. crunch. crunch*
Him: What are doing?
Me: Nothing *silence followed by crunching*
Him: What's wrong? You're quiet.
Me: That's cause I'm eating these DAMN pecans YOU gave me for Valentine's Day.
Him: Well stop eating them.
Me: WOULD YOU TELL A CRACKHEAD TO STOP SMOKING CRACK? G'HEAD! TELL A CRACK HEAD TO PUT HIS PIPE DOWN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS?
Me: Why would you buy me food? Why would you give me food for Valentine's Day? Are you trying to sabotage me? Do you want to see me fail?
Him: No...They're sugar free. *At this point I'm thinking...you jackass.*
Him: I told you, just eat a few and then put the rest up for later?
Me: THAT'S LIKE TELLING A CRACK HEAD TO SMOKE A LITTLE CRACK NOW AND SMOKE THE REST LATER!
Me: I'm serious. You just don't get it.
Him: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...
Seriously for some people food serves as a drug, and for whatever reason my brain shuts down when yummy food enters my line of sight. Once I start eating, my brain disengages and the
drug food takes over and transports me to my happy place.
Well long story short, he apologized for
being a jackass buying the pecans. We agreed upon CASH as the most appropriate gift for me, and I explained to him I will not accept the following:
- Anything purchased on side of the road out of a trunk, tent, or back of a truck.
- A stuffed animal encompassed in a balloon or sitting in a basket. Do I look 10 years old? And then what do I do with the stuffed animal after Valentine's Day, put it on my bed?
- NO FOOD! If plan to blow my points on food or candy, it better be some out-of-this-world food or candy imported from the most exotic candy manufacturer in world, no the galaxy.
Despite the Pecan Debacle, I did enjoy my Valentine's Day festivities with my favorite Valentines...my boys. We went to Mimi's and as usual the Duke boys (that's what my Mom calls them) provided nonstop entertainment. Until Mimi's new furniture arrives, the boys use the living room as a dance studio.
After the show, we indulged in yummy treats made by Mimi of course (they refer to my Mom as Mimi instead of grandma):
Apples and strawberries...nutritious and delicious...lol.
Dinner: My mom cooked a rotisserie chicken, waist friendly scalloped potatoes, and mustard greens.
A little something something the boys gave Mimi.
My Other V-Day Celebration
We planned a sundae party for the students at school. I had NO intentions of passing up an ice cream sundae; so, I bought my own ice cream and made a somewhat WW friendly ice cream sundae.
Well that concludes my Valentine's Events update. Stay tuned for a challenge update video and post!