When's the baby due?

New followers  please note...my weight loss trials and tribulations ebb and flow. If you just started following, please join me for an episode of ebbs already in progress.

So, when's the baby due? Me...knocked up?  Ummm...negative.  My post title refers to my stomach. Upon first glance, one might pose the question, "When's the baby due?' Moving on...

I started writing this post last week...a little Valentine's Day reflection. Just humor me. 

Many referred to yesterday as Valentine's Day, I simply called yesterday Thursday. I survived.  Yesterday proved challenging.  Why? I wasted energy dealing with some unexpected douche-baggery. This joker pursuing me attempted to play Jedi mind tricks...the entire day.

Jedi mind tricks: To manipulate someone's mind in the style of a Jedi.

Jedi Mind Trick #1:  So after a morning argument on the phone, I received the following text.

HIM: Send me your address to your job.

After thinking to myself, Okay Luke Skywalker...here we go with the Jedi mind tricks, I texted back the following:

This is my...Biyotch-Please-O-Here-We-Go Face 

ME: I'm not sure of the address. I'll have to send it when I get there." 

So when I got to work...I sent it. 

Now if you think I waited for that ass-clown to send me flowers, think again...just an example of the games people play. And Mommie Dearest said it best, "THIS AIN'T MY FIRST TIME AT THE RODEO (Profanity alert...push PLAY). 

In the past I knew and dealt with many-a-Luke Skywalker. But unlike the past, I now live by my new motto:

"Fool me once shame on YOU, Fool me twice... and you will get cut." 

Jedi Mind Trick #2: Fast forward to  around 6PM (VIA TEXT MESSAGE)

HIM: I bought you a gift, but I got busy.

HERE WE GO AGAIN!

 I wanted to text back, "Please cease from further insulting my intelligence."  By this point, I felt Mr. Skywalker robbed me of enough time and energy. Any further communication warranted little to no response, so I replied with this---> ME: :-) 

BUT, to play along with his game, I texted:

ME: "You want me to meet you to get the gift?" As I texted my response, I already knew the answer to my text.

HIM: *crickets*

Mmmmmm...hmmmmmm...

After receiving no response, I called. Lo and behold, his voice mail picked up...SURPRISE!  About 15 minutes later I received a text:

HIM: I'm selling a car. Five today.<---He owns a used car lot.

ME: *crickets*

THE END. 

Yes, THE END. You may be asking yourself, "What did you get Trina?  Tell us about the gift." WHAT GIFT?! THERE IS NO GIFT!!! Still waiting...