When's the baby due?

New followers  please note...my weight loss trials and tribulations ebb and flow. If you just started following, please join me for an episode of ebbs already in progress.

So, when's the baby due? Me...knocked up?  Ummm...negative.  My post title refers to my stomach. Upon first glance, one might pose the question, "When's the baby due?' Moving on...

I started writing this post last week...a little Valentine's Day reflection. Just humor me. 

Many referred to yesterday as Valentine's Day, I simply called yesterday Thursday. I survived.  Yesterday proved challenging.  Why? I wasted energy dealing with some unexpected douche-baggery. This joker pursuing me attempted to play Jedi mind tricks...the entire day.

Jedi mind tricks: To manipulate someone's mind in the style of a Jedi.

Jedi Mind Trick #1:  So after a morning argument on the phone, I received the following text.

HIM: Send me your address to your job.

After thinking to myself, Okay Luke Skywalker...here we go with the Jedi mind tricks, I texted back the following:

This is my...Biyotch-Please-O-Here-We-Go Face 

ME: I'm not sure of the address. I'll have to send it when I get there." 

So when I got to work...I sent it. 

Now if you think I waited for that ass-clown to send me flowers, think again...just an example of the games people play. And Mommie Dearest said it best, "THIS AIN'T MY FIRST TIME AT THE RODEO (Profanity alert...push PLAY). 

In the past I knew and dealt with many-a-Luke Skywalker. But unlike the past, I now live by my new motto:

"Fool me once shame on YOU, Fool me twice... and you will get cut." 

Jedi Mind Trick #2: Fast forward to  around 6PM (VIA TEXT MESSAGE)

HIM: I bought you a gift, but I got busy.

HERE WE GO AGAIN!

 I wanted to text back, "Please cease from further insulting my intelligence."  By this point, I felt Mr. Skywalker robbed me of enough time and energy. Any further communication warranted little to no response, so I replied with this---> ME: :-) 

BUT, to play along with his game, I texted:

ME: "You want me to meet you to get the gift?" As I texted my response, I already knew the answer to my text.

HIM: *crickets*

Mmmmmm...hmmmmmm...

After receiving no response, I called. Lo and behold, his voice mail picked up...SURPRISE!  About 15 minutes later I received a text:

HIM: I'm selling a car. Five today.<---He owns a used car lot.

ME: *crickets*

THE END. 

Yes, THE END. You may be asking yourself, "What did you get Trina?  Tell us about the gift." WHAT GIFT?! THERE IS NO GIFT!!! Still waiting...

Let me tell you about THESE HOES...

READER BEWARE: DUE TO MY SOUR MOOD, I PLAN TO USE MANY PROFANE WORDS. 

So, let me tell you about THESE HOES...

The other day a person, who shall remain nameless, approached me and stated that another individual, who shall also remain nameless stated the following:

"Ms. Gaines looks like she gained some weight. Look at her stomach."

BITCH (~_~<---rolls eyes). No SHIT SHERLOCK! I did indeed gain some weight. When you become sedentary and cease making healthy choices, the weight creeps back on. I stopped working out months ago, and as far as eating healthy...anyway.
 
So the fact that THESE HOES felt the need to discuss my weight loss setbacks speaks volumes about their character. One word that comes to mind...INSECURITY. Insecure much?

You know what they say about people who make fun of others...they cannot find anything nice to say about themselves. Do I make fun of people? Yes, but they usually deserve it...like THESE HOES.

Had I known THESE HOES were staring so intently at me, I would have said, "Get a pad. Get a pen. Watch and take notes on a bad bitch (me) straight flexin."

bad bitch: Female who knows what she wants and knows exactly how to get it.

flexin: slang for showing off the STUFF you got. And the "STUFF" in this case, my level of bad bitchness.

There's a possibility the individuals in question my be reading this, but here's what I think about that:

I found the best quote online:

“One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.” 

I still struggle with some insecurities, but not giving a shit...I got that on lock.

got it on lock: Having control of the situation. Being the best at SOMETHING. So in this case, the "SOMETHING" would be...not giving a shit. I'm the best at it.

So why blog about it if I don't give a shit? The audacity of THESE HOES boggles and blows my mind. Backstabbing HOES smile in your face...but spread gossip and misery behind your back.

This is dedicated to "THESE HOES" in my life and yours as well...

I KNOW THE SECRET TO LOSING WEIGHT!

"Be on the lookout! An ALL POINTS bulletin (APB) has been issued for my GROOVE!" Yes folks, my groove still remains on the lam. This week, the scale revealed a +2 gain...not surprised.  


What do you call THIS part of the weight loss journey?  THIS meaning the part where I struggle with eating and maintaining my new healthy lifestyle changes. I KNOW what I need to do, but why the sudden struggle?  I thought I figured IT out. IT meaning the SECRET to weight loss and keeping the weight at bay.


Do YOU want to know the SECRET? Well. here it is: 

MOVE MORE! EAT LESS! Tadaa!! 

You wanna slap me...don't you? TRUTH BE TOLD, if you move more and eat less, the positive results will soon follow! I know, I know...easier SAID than DONE! 


Right about now I kinda feel like the hare from Aesop's Fable The Tortoise and The Hare.   You know the story...the slow-moving tortoise challenges the over confident hare to a race. Long story short, the arrogant hare breezed past the tortoise and decided to take a nap. When the hare wakes up, he discovered the tortoise crept past him and WON the race.  Like the hare, I got a little cocky with my weight loss. I "took a nap" so to speak and a few ponds crept back on my body. 


With his quick speed, the hare figured he could win the race without even trying, kinda like me right now with the weight loss. And judging from my  recent weigh in results, at some point I stopped trying and  decided to coast on my 56 lb weight lost success.


WHAT NOW?!


I DO KNOW I refuse to go back to THAT...

I think the novelty of my weight loss endeavor wore off as my progress slowed down.


SO NOW WHAT...MAP OUT A PLAN, that's what. 


#1 Go back to the beginning. Once again, I revisited my start of the New Year blog posts and I ran across my GLOWS & GROWS.  My glows & grows served as my weekly attempt to evaluate my lifestyle change hits and misses. Glows & grows seemed like a helpful tool. Why did I stop?  Who knows. I think it would be a novel idea to reinstate them; so, each week I will record my glows & grows on my blog or in my personal journal or maybe both.


#2 Determine what I want. Somewhere down the line I lost focus and forgot what I want and why I do THIS. So what do I want? I want to do things my former heavier self permitted me from doing. Check this out, I volunteered to go HIKING on a field trip with my son's Aquatic Science class. 

#3 Overcoming Detours and Roadblocks Ahead! I discovered I really need to sit down and write a list of possible weight loss detour and road block solutions. Some of my roadblocks include, but are not limited to: celebrations at work, holidays, parties, late night snacking, secret snacking, grazing...need I go on? Any suggestions?  


#4 Celebrate & Appreciate! I need to appreciate and celebrate my success thus far. I am also working on appreciating the small losses. A loss is a loss, and all the small losses add up. Just last week I lost .4, the equivalent to a bar of soap. That's right I lost a bar of soap.

• -2=spoon
• -4=bar of soap
• -6=toothpaste
• -8=coffee cup

In addition, celebrating mini-milestones achieved along the way may help me stay on course. How do you celebrate weight loss milestone?


I dreaded writing this post, but now I feel a little better about my next step. And you know, we can learn a thing or two from that slow moving tortoise, slow and steady wins the race. Put simply...as I continue my arduous task of losing weight; I feel it best to work slowly but consistently to ensure long-lasting weight loss results. 

If YOU see my GROOVE...send it back HOME!

In regards to my ongoing weight loss battle, I CANNOT get BACK into the groove of things. My daily lackadaisical approach shows each week when I step on the scale at Weight Watchers. In hopes of getting my groove back, I decided to try to a couple of new recipes.

Seafood Pasta Salad 

...from the Body For Life Cookbook by Bill Phillips

2 portions bow tie pasta (about 4 oz uncooked)

2 portions cooked crab meat (about 8 oz), fresh, canned or frozen, thawed, chopped 

1 carrot, peeled and chopped (I used shredded carrots.)

1 celery stalk sliced 

1 tomato, sliced

1/4  c low-fat Italian dressing

1 lemon, halved

1/4 tsp ground black pepper

1. Prepare bow tie pasta according to its package directions. Rinse with cold running water; drain well.

2. While pasta is cooking, cut crab, celery, and tomato.

3. Next combine the crab meat, carrots, celery, Italian dressing, lemon juice, and black pepper in a large  mixing  bowl.  Add cooked pasta to crab mixture and toss to combine.

Check out my cool lemon squeezer thing-a-ma-bob from BIG LOTS.

4. Serve and enjoy.

Instead of low-fat Italian dressing I used Maple Grove Farms of Vermont Fat Free Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing. The book states the recipe serves 2, but after I mixed everything together I decided to split the pasta salad into 3 1/2 servings.  In addition, the book suggest that you serve the pasta on a bed of romaine salad, but I choose to skip that step. 

Enjoy your week and hopefully my groove returns this week! 

This Ain't No Teaspoon of Sugar Type of Post

I pride myself on keeping it real. But today my friends...today I feel like a fraud. I never intended to paint a picture of no muss no fuss, effortless weight loss success. My weight loss rollercoaster ride continues to be FAR from no muss no fuss. In retrospect, I feel as though I traipse around my blog all Mary Poppins-y with my spoonful of sugar trying to make the medicine go down. I now realize I need to write about the BAD, as well as the good. And sometimes, the bad fails to see the light of day on my blog.

Where's all this coming from you ask? Well, this dissention hails from last Saturday's dismal weigh-in. Once again, I arrived all gung-ho certain that I hit the mark (i.e. 50 lb. milestone). Alas, I yet again missed the mark and failed my weight loss conquest of garnering my 50 lb. bling!

My fellow weight loss bloggers, I confess, THAT weigh-in set off a chain of negative behavior :-(  For starters...after my weigh-in and meeting, I rolled to Sonic and purchased a grilled cheese kid's meal with tots and a Sprite zero.  I really wanted some jalapeno poppers, a stroke onion rings, a large blue coconut slush diabetes and a fried fish sandwich high blood pressure. 

The self-sabotage continued well into the evening when Pecan Man took me to Boudreaux's Cajun Kitchen for dinner. I ordered the Mahi Mahi with dirty rice, (sinful) garlic bread,  and broccoli. I really wanted to substitute the broccoli for French fries high blood pressure. I REALLY wanted to substitute the entire meal for fried boudin ballsobesity, fried fish stroke, and fried shrimp.

Well, tha-tha-that's not all folks...I convinced my date to order a slice of pecan pie. I can be quite persuasive sometimes, but it took very little to sway Pecan Man since he wanted the pie just as much as I did. We split the pie and I had no qualms about eating the delectable dessert.  There you have it...my confession. My bad, I forgot to mention the Oreos and milk I ate for dinner on Sunday. Yes. I ate cookies for dinner. I know, I know, I know...

I get so frustrated with myself sometimes and as you can see my frustration manifests into a free for all See Food Diet...whatever I see, I eat. I also get frustrated when hopping from blog to blog reading about everyone's diet perfection, and not much diet dejection. It makes me wonder, why do I struggle so?