GOT MILF?

I would love to take credit for my witty post title, but...I ripped the title off from an email I received from Spark People. I originally planned to title this post " O NO SHE DI'INT!" Instead I opted for GOT MILF...get it?


Okay, so I rocked this ensemble last month at a quince I attended (BEST QUINCE EVER!). When I arrived on the scene the young men my kids dance with whipped their head around, and then proceeded to  hoot and holler about HOW HOT I LOOKED! And I quote: "DANG MS. GAINES WOOOO HOOOO! YOU LOOK HOT!  OOOOO MS. GAINES! GOOOOOO MS. GAINES!"


I let the dance crew carry on for several minutes and I loved every second of it! Check me out...MILF in da hizzy!

My boys participated in the quince and performed with their dance crew.

Okay, so back to me...check out the jacket. You like? Well let me tell you the back story.


 I spotted my coworker Karen rocking this jacket one night at happy hour. I immediately cornered Karen and asked where she purchased it. Surprisingly , she bought this jacket from Dot's, yes Dot's!  Sooooooo...the next day after my boot camp class, I vamoosed to Dot's.


I arrived at the store (while talking on the phone to my homie)  and spied MY jacket as soon as I opened the door! Panic set in when I realized only two jackets remained, one draped across a  hanger and the other on a mannequin. I literally ran to the rack to investigate the sizes.  Before I reached MY jacket, this girl sauntered over and started man-handling MY jacket. Luckily for her, something else caught her eye, and  she walked away from MY jacket before things could get ugly.


Okay...okay...I'm getting to the crux of the story. When I checked the sizes I discovered one large and one medium on the mannequin. I wanted the medium; so, what did I do?  I stripped the mannequin and snared  MY jacket.  With my peripheral vision, I noticed someone staring at me as I removed the jacket. Next thing I know, some lady walks over to me and the following conversation ensued:


LADY: "I really like that jacket."


ME: *thinking to myself* Does she not see me talking on this phone. Yeah, I like the jacket to that's why I ravaged the mannequin and jacked it! "I like the jacket too."


LADY: "What size is it?"


ME: "A medium. I'm about to go try it on now!"


LADY: "Well, I'll wait for you to try it on...in case it doesn't fit. That's the last medium."


ME: *processing what this BIYOTCH just said*  O_o


After I realized what this fool was implying, I casually told my homie I needed to call her back later, and I then made my way to the dressing room. THIS STALKER FOLLOWED ME TO THE DRESSING ROOM AND ACTUALLY WAITED FOR ME TO TRY ON THE JACKET! CAN YOU BELIEVE THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE!?!?


The Dot's store stalker made one fatal mistake as she gawked at me. She judged a book by its cover, and only saw baggy sweats and a hoodie 2 sizes two big. So, I entered the dressing with MY jacket and a few other garments.  As soon as I closed the door, I ripped the jacket of the hanger and tried it on. IT FIT! I let out a silent BOOYAH in the dressing room as a celebrated my non-scale victory. I celebrated my medium! 


Out of spite, I lingered in the dressing for an EXTENSIVE amount of time. DO YOU KNOW THAT STALKER WAITED FOR ME?  I emerged from the dressing with a smirk on my face, and I informed my stalker friend that the jacket DID INDEED FIT! Little did she know, if the jacket didn't fit, SHE SURE AS HELL WASN'T GETTIN IT! THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE! Can you believe that stalker?! You know sometimes I say things in my head, and the words never leave my mouth. But she actually said, "I will wait in case it doesn't fit."  To you Dot's Store Stalker, I say: 

"IN YO FACE!!" 

BOOM! LOOK AT ME NOW! 

You know...now that I think about it, this types of situation seems to happen to me more often that I'd like. Remember that episode at Dillards?


Well folks, that's the end of my story. Me and MY jacket enjoyed the quince and we had a blast!

Gustavo jumped in the booth, and I was telling him to get out! GUSTAVO!

FYI, I lost .4 this week..betta than nothin! GO ME!!!!!!!!!