Monday, February 18, 2013

When's the baby due?

New followers  please weight loss trials and tribulations ebb and flow. If you just started following, please join me for an episode of ebbs already in progress.

So, when's the baby due? Me...knocked up?  Ummm...negative.  My post title refers to my stomach. Upon first glance, one might pose the question, "When's the baby due?' Moving on...

I started writing this post last week...a little Valentine's Day reflection. Just humor me. 

Many referred to yesterday as Valentine's Day, I simply called yesterday Thursday. I survived.  Yesterday proved challenging.  Why? I wasted energy dealing with some unexpected douche-baggery. This joker pursuing me attempted to play Jedi mind tricks...the entire day.

Jedi mind tricks: To manipulate someone's mind in the style of a Jedi.

Jedi Mind Trick #1:  So after a morning argument on the phone, I received the following text.

HIM: Send me your address to your job.

After thinking to myself, Okay Luke we go with the Jedi mind tricks, I texted back the following:

This is my...Biyotch-Please-O-Here-We-Go Face 
ME: I'm not sure of the address. I'll have to send it when I get there." 

So when I got to work...I sent it. 

Now if you think I waited for that ass-clown to send me flowers, think again...just an example of the games people play. And Mommie Dearest said it best, "THIS AIN'T MY FIRST TIME AT THE RODEO (Profanity alert...push PLAY). 

In the past I knew and dealt with many-a-Luke Skywalker. But unlike the past, I now live by my new motto:
"Fool me once shame on YOU, Fool me twice... and you will get cut." 
Jedi Mind Trick #2: Fast forward to  around 6PM (VIA TEXT MESSAGE)

HIM: I bought you a gift, but I got busy.

 I wanted to text back, "Please cease from further insulting my intelligence."  By this point, I felt Mr. Skywalker robbed me of enough time and energy. Any further communication warranted little to no response, so I replied with this---> ME: :-) 

BUT, to play along with his game, I texted:

ME: "You want me to meet you to get the gift?" As I texted my response, I already knew the answer to my text.

HIM: *crickets*

After receiving no response, I called. Lo and behold, his voice mail picked up...SURPRISE!  About 15 minutes later I received a text:

HIM: I'm selling a car. Five today.<---He owns a used car lot.

ME: *crickets*


Yes, THE END. You may be asking yourself, "What did you get Trina?  Tell us about the gift." WHAT GIFT?! THERE IS NO GIFT!!! Still waiting...

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Let me tell you about THESE HOES...


So, let me tell you about THESE HOES...

The other day a person, who shall remain nameless, approached me and stated that another individual, who shall also remain nameless stated the following:

"Ms. Gaines looks like she gained some weight. Look at her stomach."

BITCH (~_~<---rolls eyes). No SHIT SHERLOCK! I did indeed gain some weight. When you become sedentary and cease making healthy choices, the weight creeps back on. I stopped working out months ago, and as far as eating healthy...anyway.
So the fact that THESE HOES felt the need to discuss my weight loss setbacks speaks volumes about their character. One word that comes to mind...INSECURITY. Insecure much?

You know what they say about people who make fun of others...they cannot find anything nice to say about themselves. Do I make fun of people? Yes, but they usually deserve THESE HOES.

Had I known THESE HOES were staring so intently at me, I would have said, "Get a pad. Get a pen. Watch and take notes on a bad bitch (me) straight flexin."

bad bitch: Female who knows what she wants and knows exactly how to get it.

flexin: slang for showing off the STUFF you got. And the "STUFF" in this case, my level of bad bitchness.

There's a possibility the individuals in question my be reading this, but here's what I think about that:
I found the best quote online:

“One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.” 

I still struggle with some insecurities, but not giving a shit...I got that on lock.

got it on lock: Having control of the situation. Being the best at SOMETHING. So in this case, the "SOMETHING" would be...not giving a shit. I'm the best at it.

So why blog about it if I don't give a shit? The audacity of THESE HOES boggles and blows my mind. Backstabbing HOES smile in your face...but spread gossip and misery behind your back.
This is dedicated to "THESE HOES" in my life and yours as well...

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