That moment when you look on the floor and find the patches you ironed onto your jeans...

As a somewhat "thick woman," I tend to carry most of my weight in my lower region. Unfortunately, my thick thighs rub together resulting in many pairs of ruined jeans. Last month I ran across a pair of jeans I stopped wearing due to thigh damage. I thought to myself, rather than toss a pair of perfectly good pants, I need to think of a solution to repair the areas ruined by my thigh rubbing. And so I did...IRON-ON PATCHES. 

So last week, I tried out my great idea of iron-on patches. I arrived at work and went about my day. After breakfast, I noticed the edges of the patches lifting off my jeans and starting to roll up.  After a few more hours of walking the edges rolled more. I started to panic...just a little. I started walking slower, clinching my thighs together to keep the patches from rolling any further. I'm sure that was a sight to behold. At one point I tried to glue the patches to my pants with Elmer's glue.  FAIL.

Towards the end of the day, I walked out of my classroom into the pod to retrieve some papers off the printer. When what to my wondering eyes should appear...MY PATCHES lying listlessly on the floor. In one swift move I scooped them up and went about my business. Needless to say the damn patches failed to get the job done. Any suggestions???

Let me tell you about THESE HOES...

READER BEWARE: DUE TO MY SOUR MOOD, I PLAN TO USE MANY PROFANE WORDS. 

So, let me tell you about THESE HOES...

The other day a person, who shall remain nameless, approached me and stated that another individual, who shall also remain nameless stated the following:

"Ms. Gaines looks like she gained some weight. Look at her stomach."

BITCH (~_~<---rolls eyes). No SHIT SHERLOCK! I did indeed gain some weight. When you become sedentary and cease making healthy choices, the weight creeps back on. I stopped working out months ago, and as far as eating healthy...anyway.
 
So the fact that THESE HOES felt the need to discuss my weight loss setbacks speaks volumes about their character. One word that comes to mind...INSECURITY. Insecure much?

You know what they say about people who make fun of others...they cannot find anything nice to say about themselves. Do I make fun of people? Yes, but they usually deserve it...like THESE HOES.

Had I known THESE HOES were staring so intently at me, I would have said, "Get a pad. Get a pen. Watch and take notes on a bad bitch (me) straight flexin."

bad bitch: Female who knows what she wants and knows exactly how to get it.

flexin: slang for showing off the STUFF you got. And the "STUFF" in this case, my level of bad bitchness.

There's a possibility the individuals in question my be reading this, but here's what I think about that:

I found the best quote online:

“One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.” 

I still struggle with some insecurities, but not giving a shit...I got that on lock.

got it on lock: Having control of the situation. Being the best at SOMETHING. So in this case, the "SOMETHING" would be...not giving a shit. I'm the best at it.

So why blog about it if I don't give a shit? The audacity of THESE HOES boggles and blows my mind. Backstabbing HOES smile in your face...but spread gossip and misery behind your back.

This is dedicated to "THESE HOES" in my life and yours as well...

What's With the Band-aid?

As you can see, I decided to give my blog a slight makeover. Nothing fancy. I just wanted to try out a few new things. I made my blog header with Picasa using a tutorial from Clover Lane.  When my time allows, I plan to create a more jazzier header. Personalizing a blog takes time, so I still plan to contact a blog designer and discuss some makeover options.


But then again, everything I need know about designing a blog can be found on the World Wide Web. EVERYTHING...including how to center my blog header. 


So, on to the band-aid.


About a week ago, I attended a going-away party for a dear friend...KIMMY!

Don't ask...me & Kimmy at Ivy's slumber party...FUN!

Kim & Teryka 

Man DOWN! Celebrating Missy's Birthday...yes that's Kim with her head down on the table...GOOD TIMES!

Me, Kim & Shelly...prior to the MAN DOWN incident....

BYE KIMMY...MAY YOU BE BLESSED ON YOUR NEW ENDEAVORS IN THE ATL...If you see T.I. tell him to call me...

Okay, I digressed. So, I attended a going-away party a week ago and a few people asked, "What's with the band-aid?"


THIS resulted from:

THAT:

A seemingly simple errand to the alteration shop turned into a trip to a local URGENT CARE facility for a tetanus shot. Talk about a total errand FAIL! While gathering my belongings in the dressing room, I bent down to pick up my keys and stabbed myself in the leg with a stick pin.

No big deal I thought...until my leg started stinging. Without looking, I reached down to scratch my leg and my hand encountered a warm liquid substance. At that point I looked down and observed a pool of blood on my shorts. 

Alarmed, I jumped into my vehicle and yanked my shorts up to assess the damage. When I peered at my leg I noticed a large lumpy bruise started to form.

 

Concerned, I drove down the street to Wal-Mart's clinic, but the Physician's Assistant on staff stated (rather coldly), "The clinic's services do not include emergency care." He did however refer me to an Urgent Care center around the corner. 

Long story short, I arrived at the emergency facility and received a tetanus shot for a grand total of $150. MY INSURANCE SUCKS...YOU'D THINK THEY'D OFFER TEACHERS BETTER INSURANCE...BUT "THEY" DO NOT!

So, the lesson to be learned...

ALWAYS look your best when you leave the house. You never know when you may need emergency care services. And wouldn't you know it, the attending physician turned out to be HOT & CUTE! And wouldn't you know it...your truly looked partially busted wearing a less than stellar tank top and well-worn shorts w/flip flops. 

I thought about returning to Urgent Care for a follow up, but at $150 a pop, Dr. Wally will be the one who got away...thanks in part to me looking a H.A.M. (hot a** mess)!

O yeah, another lesson to be learned...

Be careful in the alteration shop with stick pins.