BootCamp Bulletin: Day 7: "Those Bitches Cheated!"

Y'all...

Yesterday's session of bootcamp called for an immediate blog post!  I left that session madder than a one-legged waitress at IHOP (no offense...it's a Texas thang). As a matter of fact, the title of this post hails directly from my outburst at bootcamp...more about that later. 

First....

Let me tell you something. If there's one thing I loathe, it's weight loss and workout CHEATERS! You know them. Weight loss cheaters look for the easy way out. Rather than put in the work they punk out & opt for the quickie weight loss methods: pills, starvation, fat burner crap sold on TV, etc.  

Hey weight loss cheaters...how about a tip? By cheating, you fail to gain the skill set necessary to obtain and maintain a healthy lifestyle.  YOU only cheat YOURSELF. And from me to you, consider this any early Christmas present...YES, the "easy way" guarantees weight loss; but, I assure you the weight comes back ten-fold. I speak from experience...imjussayin.   

Now, on to my bootcamp outburst...

Nothing chaps my hide more than workout CHEATERS! My mom always tells me not to worry about others, but my blood  boils when I bust my arse and the laziness of others flies under the radar undetected.

When I workout with a group my competitive side emerges, and I detest finishing last. Yes, I understand that I workout with others in better physical condition then me and sometimes my  valiant efforts produce a last place finish. That's understandable.

But the one thing I refuse to tolerate...CHEATIN B!TCHES who slide by to make themselves look good in front of the other participants and the instructor! But like I said before, "YOU only cheat YOURSELF!"

Long story short...
We were instructed to run 1 horse using trees as a guide. So basically, you run to the first tree and back to start. Then you run to the second tree and back to start...on to the third and back to start and so on and so on.

Sooooo, as I sprinted to the 5th of 6 trees, I appeared to be the "leader" of the slow group.  After I reached the 5th tree I touched the ground, then pivoted around to return to start.  As I ran, I heard nothing behind me...no huffing, no puffing, no bitching and complaining.

I thought to myself, surely those hookers reached the 5th tree by now. I craned my head around to look, and as sure as night is dark and day is light, those hoes bypassed returning to start and went straight from the 5th tree to the 6th!

I returned to start AS INSTRUCTED and made my way to the 6th tree BY MYSELF! When I reached the 6th tree I EXPLODED and SCREAMED at the instructor,

"THOSE B!TCHES CHEATED!"

As I neared the finish line those hoes had the audacity to cheer me on! Really!!? When I finally finished BY MYSELF LAST I might add, the following short conversation ensued:

The Hookers: WAY TO GO TRINA! WE CHEATED!

ME: * in my outside voice* YEAH I KNOW!!  I then proceed to give  them my I-SUGGEST-YOU-SHUT-UP-TALKIN-TO-ME...BITCH-PLEASE-LOOK.

Til this day, the source of my explosive rage baffles me. I surprised myself when I shouted, "THOSE B!TCHES CHEATED!  Maybe the heat spurred on my Tourettes outburst! SMH...

From now on, those hookers can cheat until their heart's content. You know what, Sophocles said it best...

"I would prefer to fail with honor than to win by cheating."

CHEAT ON B!TCHES!

Bootcamp Day 2...Eye of the Tiger!

On Monday I departed from bootcamp disgusted with myself. I sucked beyond all suckognition. When I work out, I expect myself to not only complete the workout asked of me,  but to execute the activity competently. On Monday I accomplished the bootcamp circuits with as much grace as cow on ice skates.

I AM my own worst critic and hardest on myself. You should hear the inner dialogue in my head.  If I talked to my friends the way I address myself, my list of friends would be little to none.

So...Wednesday, marked day 2 of bootcamp. And in my last post I stated,

 "I refuse to let this bootcamp class make me its b!tch."

Well, I SURVIVED DAY 2, SO WHO'S THE B!TCH NOW! LOL.

I still struggled but, midway through the class I found my groove. Wednesday's session focused on upper body as well as cardio. The warm up consisted of hamstring stretches and 6 minutes of jumping jack presses, alternating 30 seconds of presses with 30 sec of rest. I chose to use 10# weights for the presses.

Next, the instructor led us through the following circuit:

• upper body exercises with weights
• mountain climbers (Mountain climbers suck!)I filmed this video about 2+ years ago.

• burpees
  

After we repeated the circuit three times we ran 5 rounds of sprints. Upon completion of the 3rd round I peered down at my Polar HRM. I expected to see the number of calories burned. Instead, my HRM displayed WTF?!

Those sprints whipped my ass!  I completed my 5th round of sprints, grabbed my gear and  limped  off the field like a wounded animal.  Despite the obstacles presented in bootcamp, I look  forward to next week's challenges!

I see dead peolpe...

I started bootcamp yesterday with Silverback Fitness. I scored an amazing deal from Amazonlocal. 5 weeks, Mondays & Wednesdays for $39 BUCKS! I saved $111 greenbacks.

Long story short I arrived at the park raring to go. About 30 minutes into the class I encountered  a near death experience.  In my mind I believe I flat lined for a few seconds...I saw dead people.

Last night, my homie texted to see if I survived my first class:

 I plan to return on Wednesday. I refuse to let this bootcamp class make me its B*TCH!