Now I know how Godzilla feels...

Back in the day I watched Godzilla movies. Maaaaan they really skimped on the production value...I realize that now. 

Getting to the point...

You ever watched a Godzilla movie?  In the movies Godzilla wreaks havoc by stomping her way through coastal Japanese cities terrorizing its inhabitants.

During Godzilla's tyrannical rants, she turns one way and then her tail follows later. That's the equivalent of me and my arse a.k.a. my junk, derriere, fanny, gluteus maximus...you get the picture.  My body turns one way and then my junk follows later. Today...I knocked a water bottle off a desk.

I walked into the cafeteria. Stopped. Turned to look for a fellow colleague...10 seconds later my "junk" followed suit.  AND THEN....

...a water bottle crashed to the floor.

I just stood there shaking my head as the bottle rolled. This afternoon I played derriere derby or bumper booties with another co-worker as we maneuvered around the table at a wedding shower.

I guess the 100s of lunges and squats I suffered through during bootcamp these last few weeks may be paying off. On a given day at bootcamp we completed somewhere from 50-100+ squats or lunges.  I must admit, my bottom feels a little firmer, still a bit dimply. Pretty soon my ba-dunk-a-dunk may need its on zip code...imjussayin.

BootCamp Bulletin: Day 7: "Those Bitches Cheated!"

Y'all...

Yesterday's session of bootcamp called for an immediate blog post!  I left that session madder than a one-legged waitress at IHOP (no offense...it's a Texas thang). As a matter of fact, the title of this post hails directly from my outburst at bootcamp...more about that later. 

First....

Let me tell you something. If there's one thing I loathe, it's weight loss and workout CHEATERS! You know them. Weight loss cheaters look for the easy way out. Rather than put in the work they punk out & opt for the quickie weight loss methods: pills, starvation, fat burner crap sold on TV, etc.  

Hey weight loss cheaters...how about a tip? By cheating, you fail to gain the skill set necessary to obtain and maintain a healthy lifestyle.  YOU only cheat YOURSELF. And from me to you, consider this any early Christmas present...YES, the "easy way" guarantees weight loss; but, I assure you the weight comes back ten-fold. I speak from experience...imjussayin.   

Now, on to my bootcamp outburst...

Nothing chaps my hide more than workout CHEATERS! My mom always tells me not to worry about others, but my blood  boils when I bust my arse and the laziness of others flies under the radar undetected.

When I workout with a group my competitive side emerges, and I detest finishing last. Yes, I understand that I workout with others in better physical condition then me and sometimes my  valiant efforts produce a last place finish. That's understandable.

But the one thing I refuse to tolerate...CHEATIN B!TCHES who slide by to make themselves look good in front of the other participants and the instructor! But like I said before, "YOU only cheat YOURSELF!"

Long story short...
We were instructed to run 1 horse using trees as a guide. So basically, you run to the first tree and back to start. Then you run to the second tree and back to start...on to the third and back to start and so on and so on.

Sooooo, as I sprinted to the 5th of 6 trees, I appeared to be the "leader" of the slow group.  After I reached the 5th tree I touched the ground, then pivoted around to return to start.  As I ran, I heard nothing behind me...no huffing, no puffing, no bitching and complaining.

I thought to myself, surely those hookers reached the 5th tree by now. I craned my head around to look, and as sure as night is dark and day is light, those hoes bypassed returning to start and went straight from the 5th tree to the 6th!

I returned to start AS INSTRUCTED and made my way to the 6th tree BY MYSELF! When I reached the 6th tree I EXPLODED and SCREAMED at the instructor,

"THOSE B!TCHES CHEATED!"

As I neared the finish line those hoes had the audacity to cheer me on! Really!!? When I finally finished BY MYSELF LAST I might add, the following short conversation ensued:

The Hookers: WAY TO GO TRINA! WE CHEATED!

ME: * in my outside voice* YEAH I KNOW!!  I then proceed to give  them my I-SUGGEST-YOU-SHUT-UP-TALKIN-TO-ME...BITCH-PLEASE-LOOK.

Til this day, the source of my explosive rage baffles me. I surprised myself when I shouted, "THOSE B!TCHES CHEATED!  Maybe the heat spurred on my Tourettes outburst! SMH...

From now on, those hookers can cheat until their heart's content. You know what, Sophocles said it best...

"I would prefer to fail with honor than to win by cheating."

CHEAT ON B!TCHES!

Friends Makin' Monday: Three Things

*I made every effort to actually publish this post on Monday, but to no avail...time defeated me! 

"Sounds like sombody's got a case of the Mondays"
Nina...Office Space

Today I experienced a brief case of the Mondays. But after one cup of coffee,  I made a speedy recovery. So, every Monday Kenlie from the blog All the Weigh hosts Friend Makin' Mondays.

Since the topic peaked my interest, I decided to participate this week.  If you consider yourself a FMM vet, then you know the rules. Those new to FMM, take the time to answers this week's question on your own blog and then add your link to the comments section of Kenlie's blog.  Please invite your blog readers to participate too. Well let's get started and make some new friends!

1.  Three of my favorite movies (Just 3? When do I ever follow the rules? Not often.):

• Imitation of Life, A Summer Place, All About Eve
• Au Revoir Les Enfants, Dead Snow
• The Wiz..."Ease on down, ease on down the rooooad!"
• Sixteen Candles, Weird Science, Some Kind of Wonderful, Valley Girl, Heathers
• A Clockwork Orange, Trainspotting

2.  Three of my favorite things to drink:

• Sonic Slushes (Spiked...what? Everybody does it! My favorite...strawberry cream slush with Tequila Rose)

• Wine (Riesling or Pinot Grigio...Pino Greezsh as I like to call it)
• Hot Cocoa (...when the Texas weather permits)

3.  Three of my favorite songs (JUST 3?!? You know me the REBEL!):

• Hometown Glory by Adele
• Back Stabbers by the O'Jays
• Little Bit by Lykke Li (...the Drake/Lykke Li remix too...)
• That Girl by Esthero
• Paul Revere by The Beastie Boys
• Gymnopedie No. 1 Piano by Eric Sate (I heard this song in commercials and movies.  Thanks to Shazam I finally discovered the title.)

4.  Three people who have recently been a positive influence on your life (outside of your family): I struggled with this question. I need to get back to you on this one:-(

5. Three things you do to keep yourself entertained:

• Read...mainly trash.  I just explained to someone today, that I read for entertainment, not to learn. If I wanted to learn I would go back to school and finish my Master's Degree.  Just kidding. Quite often I shift to brainiac mode and read to gain knowledge.

• Start hobbies and never finish them.  I own my own personal HOBBIES GRAVEYARD....where hobbies go to die.

• People watch O_o and then I provide  my own commentary to the multitude of hotmessness engulfing my surroundings.

6. Three things you're attracted to in the opposite sex:

• sense of humor
• conversationalist
• SWAG-Confidence with a hint of arrogance, but not to douchebaggy...

7.  Three things I love about myself:

• my humor
• my resilience
• my tenacity....you get in my way and it's ON! Try me!

8. The last three people who texted messaged me:

• Angie...my homie who I endearingly refer to as Hooker, Hooks for short.
• Jabari...my quirky friend
• Kaitlyn/Jessica...co-workers, who I enjoyed working with this year.

9.  Three things I am looking forward to this week:

• Assisting my mom, as well as my boys, at Career Day at my school of employment.  My mom  plans to discuss her cake artistry and the boys aim to encourage the students wanting to pursue a career in dance.

• Hanging out with a friend tomorrow....movie & cocktails!

• A BREAK...my boys get one final break from dancing, teaching, and assisting. A much  needed a break before the summer performance schedule kicks off!

10. Three wishes specifically for yourself...What are they? (Be selfish, and be honest)

• A BOYFRIEND-->FIANCE-->HUSBAND...in that order! I require a financially stable or independently wealthy suitor with reliable transportation. He must own his own humble abode...WITHOUT A PARENTAL UNIT ON THE PREMISES! The number of men who STILL reside with their mother surprises me. I prefer a potential spouse without a criminal record and gold teeth. Tatts and piercings...no problem. Would it be to much to ask that he's easy on the eyes? He MUST treat me like a queen and accept my boys...what's not to love?!
• Untold riches...
• MORE WISHES...I'm greedy!

11. Three of your favorite quotes:

• "Behind every successful person is a pack of HATERS."
• "I may not be the STRONGEST, I may not be the FASTEST...but I'll be dammed if I'm not trying my HARDEST!"
• "Life is a dance from one stage to the next!"

12. Three of your biggest fears:

• Struggling with my weight forever...
• Dying alone
• Failing as a parent

13. Three of your favorite TV shows:

• Project Runway
• The Walking Dead
• True Blood
• Portlandia
• Dexter...was that 5? My bad.
• Suits
• Being Human (U.K. and U.S)
• Weeds...oops, that makes 8.

14. Three of your favorite things to purchase when shopping:

• SHOES
• SHOES
• SHOES

15. Three things you enjoyed last week:

• Watching my boys perform with FLY Wellness and Movement Arts!

My oldest!

And that's my youngest in the front with his hand over his mouth...he refers to that pose as his default SWAG move...lol.

• WORK! Yes, you read that correctly...work. Last school year proved to be a living hell! This year...heaven on earth. I enjoy my students and the company of my co-teachers! Now I teach Special Ed as opposed to teaching first grade last year.

• An outing with a friend...dinner, a movie, and cocktails...

16. Three things that you always have in your bag or close to you if you're not a purse kind of person:

• iPhone
• iPad
• Mac Lip Gloss

17.  Three foods that you wouldn't want to give up:

• PIZZA
• BREAD PRODUCTS
• PEANUT BUTTER

18. Three things you enjoy doing while burning calories:

• Dancing
• Zumba
• "Hiking" with my boys (This video captures the hilarity and hijinks during a hiking outing).

19. Three things you dislike about blogging:

• Cliques...Sometime I feel the blog world seems a tad bit clique-ish. I experienced a taste of popularity in high school, so at this point in my life the need to fit in or control who gains access into the "cool" blogging cliques disinterest me.  "Can't we all just get along!" Some of you well known blogger "a.k.a. the "popular kids" need to take the time to acquaint yourself with the "blog minions" such as myself. Use your power for good and give us peons some exposure. A few bloggers confided in me that the cliques make them feel left out. And to that I say...if you feel left out, focus on other blogs. You'll always have a friend in me.

• To BIG for their britches Bloggers...Some blogger reach their goal and forget where they came from. Hey, you once struggled like I did, so jump off your judgemental soapbox and help your fellow weight loss bloggers. And by help I mean offer inspiration, not your judgemental self-righteousness.

• Lack of blogging time...Plain and simple, life gets in the way. I blog when the opportunity presents itself.

20. Three ways blogging has changed your life:

• I met a variety of blogging personalities who I wished lived closer to me, especially TJ from TJ's Test Kitchen. If she lived near me, she would need a restraining order to keep me away from her delicious eats.

• Blogging keeps me somewhat accountable. With the support of my blog buddies I manage to keep most of the weight off, but I STILL struggle on a day to day basis...such is the nature of the beast.

• My blog serves as an opportunity for free therapy . It provides the outlet for me to share my weight loss trials and tribulations with other bloggers that "get it," so to speak.  I love the fact that you allow me to entertain and inspire you.

Now it's your turn. Don't forget to link up with Kenlie!

OUT OF CONTROL!

Me So Hongry's BACK and ready to ATTACK! Wait until I tell what guilty pleasure occupied my time and prevented me from posting lately. Here's a hint. I decided to title the post..."Batteries Not Included." Let your imagination run with that.

Soooooo yesterday, I made the decision to return to Weight Watchers. I mean after all my tag line states...

"The Misadventures of a Weight Watchers Repeat Offender..."

Why the sudden return? Plain and simple, Weight Watchers works. Click the link and see for yourself.


You wondering why I quit in the first place? CrossFit. Back in November I started CrossFit and I killed myself working out like a BEAST. 

That's the hands of a CrossFit BEAST!

With the aid of CrossFit I realized my BEAST MODE potential; I executed tractor tire lifts, back squatted 100#, deadlifted 150#.  In addition to my Olympic CrossFit sessions, I ate cleaner by loosely following a Paleo diet.

The gym where I BEASTed at...

Despite my valiant efforts at CrossFit and making positive food choices, results eluded me. The straw that broke the camels back...I weighed in on 12/17/11 and gained 6 lbs. YES, 6  #$@&* POUNDS!! This weigh in frustrated me to no end and I told myself..."Eff It...Eff WW!"

I know for a fact part of the gain resulted from my increase in muscle mass.  I need to post a pic of  my somewhat less jiggly firm arms. I am amazed at the transformation. I actually see the beginning of some muscle definition, or a "cut" as my kids call it.

I look forward to adding more definition. My goal...Michelle Obama arms. I advise everyone to stay tuned for my gun show tickets to go on sale!

Getting back to the subject at hand...

 As of late, my weight loss efforts continue to spiral out of control. And ironically yesterday, 5/17/12, 5 months after my last weigh-in (12/17/11); I decided to rein in the madness and gain some semblance of control. So, I weighed in and guess what? In five months I only managed to gain 4.2 lbs.

Am I proud? No. But given my behavior these past several months, I thought I gained more than 4 lbs...more like 15. So now what? Who knows? When I figure out the "now what" I plan to blog about it. Sorry to leave you hanging, but I am at a loss right now.

Hopefully soon this weight loss fog lifts, and I can view my weight loss adventure with a fresh pair of eyes. Don't worry. I AM like the Phoenix...Oh I guarantee you, I WILL rise from the ashes. Until then, I aim to keep practicing my motto...Persistence, not perfection.

I WILL FOLLOW...

The other day I went through the list of blogs I follow, and I discovered that a majority of the bloggers on my blog reading list  dropped off the face of the earth. As a favor to me, please  leave the name of  your favorite blogs and I WILL FOLLOW!



U2's, I Will Follow...CLASSIC! That tune brings me back to days of fluorescent socks, tight rolled jeans, and mammoth hair and super sized bangs!

When I hear that song it reminds me of the movie, The Last American Virgin (TLAV)! 

Yes, I just dated myself. Who remembers that nostalgic 80s film? I believe I Will Follow plays when one of the characters desperately struggles to raise money for his unrequited love's abortion. The 80s, gotta love it!

TLAV captures the essence of the 80's, and the soundtrack...TOTALLY TUBULAR!<---lol, some 80's slang!

Well, gotta motor<---more 80's slang! Before you motor, what's your favorite 80's movie and/or song? Leave me the name of your favorite blogs. Please and Thank You! Laters!

Bootcamp Day 2...Eye of the Tiger!

On Monday I departed from bootcamp disgusted with myself. I sucked beyond all suckognition. When I work out, I expect myself to not only complete the workout asked of me,  but to execute the activity competently. On Monday I accomplished the bootcamp circuits with as much grace as cow on ice skates.

I AM my own worst critic and hardest on myself. You should hear the inner dialogue in my head.  If I talked to my friends the way I address myself, my list of friends would be little to none.

So...Wednesday, marked day 2 of bootcamp. And in my last post I stated,

 "I refuse to let this bootcamp class make me its b!tch."

Well, I SURVIVED DAY 2, SO WHO'S THE B!TCH NOW! LOL.

I still struggled but, midway through the class I found my groove. Wednesday's session focused on upper body as well as cardio. The warm up consisted of hamstring stretches and 6 minutes of jumping jack presses, alternating 30 seconds of presses with 30 sec of rest. I chose to use 10# weights for the presses.

Next, the instructor led us through the following circuit:

• upper body exercises with weights
• mountain climbers (Mountain climbers suck!)I filmed this video about 2+ years ago.

• burpees
  

After we repeated the circuit three times we ran 5 rounds of sprints. Upon completion of the 3rd round I peered down at my Polar HRM. I expected to see the number of calories burned. Instead, my HRM displayed WTF?!

Those sprints whipped my ass!  I completed my 5th round of sprints, grabbed my gear and  limped  off the field like a wounded animal.  Despite the obstacles presented in bootcamp, I look  forward to next week's challenges!

I see dead peolpe...

I started bootcamp yesterday with Silverback Fitness. I scored an amazing deal from Amazonlocal. 5 weeks, Mondays & Wednesdays for $39 BUCKS! I saved $111 greenbacks.

Long story short I arrived at the park raring to go. About 30 minutes into the class I encountered  a near death experience.  In my mind I believe I flat lined for a few seconds...I saw dead people.

Last night, my homie texted to see if I survived my first class:

 I plan to return on Wednesday. I refuse to let this bootcamp class make me its B*TCH!